Down in the Dark (Silas)

[Hatoful GM]

Corvin growled, taking a step forward. "Where do you think you're going? What destiny do you think you have?"

He pointed sharply towards the hangar once more. "That's where you belong. If you belong anywhere. Maybe you don't. It's harder than you think to go back, you know." Corvin's usually harsh tone was even harsher than normal.

[Silas Myles Pearson]

"Honestly? I don't know what destiny I might have, I just know it's not there. Not hidden behind shadows of my friends, shadows that don't even look me in the eyes."

He sighed softly. "There is so much passion in your voice, like you have forgotten Serenity. But maybe you're right going back might be hard, but that's okay."

"I build, I create, I repair. All of these things are hard, infinitely harder then destroying. So hard, its something I'm used to." The easy way was seldom the best, and it was time for him to continue the journey back from where he came.

[Hatoful GM]

Everyone watched as Silas walked back out the door.

THE VISION FADES...

Silas found himself back outside the temple. Master Orgus was exactly where he'd last seen him, kneeling on the ground. He rose to his feet as Silas appeared.

[Silas Myles Pearson]

That was strange... Wy was he outside the temple now?

Wasn't the path back supposed to be hard? A frown made it's way onto his lips as he looked around for something he could check his sense against. Datapad maybe? The clock on his communicator?

If either weren't working or acting odd, he'd know he was still inside the Vergeance. Well maybe, it wasn't like he could really trust his senses.

[Orgus Din]

All of his electronics seemed to be working properly. According to his chrono, it had been about an hour since he went in.

Orgus walked a little closer. "You alright, Silas?" He asked with a concerned frown.

[Silas Myles Pearson]

"I'm okay, I'm just not sure if I'm still inside the Vergeance or not." The young man replied as he put away his things.

The frown at least was a good sign. So was the fact everything was working. "So I'm checking my electronics for irregularities... Was I gone long, Master Ogrus?"

[Hatoful GM]

The concerned frown grew a little more concerned. "It's okay. You're not. Just take a few minutes. Breathe the non-Dark Side air."

He shook his head. "Not too long." He glanced at his own datapad. "About an hour." He shrugged. "These things take as much time or as little time as they need to. And time spent in the vergence is subjective. Just let yourself adjust." He gave Silas an encouraging smile.

[Silas Myles Pearson]

Silas nodded taking a slow breath as he tried to let himself adjust to his new surroundings. "That place wasn't very kind." He offered after a moment.

"It tries to deceive you and your senses, one lie after the other, and then proof I'm back here. It was disconcerting."

[Orgus Din]

Orgus nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, that sounds about right. My advice would be don't dwell on it, but do think about it. It could have been showing you a fear, or a dark part of yourself, or a dark future that may or may not come to be."

Another encouraging smile. "Want to talk about it? You don't have to; I'll respect your privacy. But if you do, well, we're here."

[Silas Myles Pearson]

"I dunno? Maybe a little." His lips formed a small frown. "I don't think it was so much scary, or frightening. Though I suppose it had aspects of that. It wasn't like all my friends turned into zombies and I had to fight them or something though." Which he had always thought was one of his big fears.

"I think it was more sad then anything?"

[Orgus Din]

"Zombies?" Orgus chuckled. "Is that a thing? Maybe you can take comfort in knowing that doesn't seem to be part of your future." His expression became more serious. "But usually, in this sort of thing, fighting's not the point, anyway."

He jerked his head. "Let's head back to the meeting point. If you like, you can tell me about it. Or zombies. Whatever you like."

[Silas Myles Pearson]

Master Orgus was so behind the times, still he didn't feel the need to tell him about the undead, so instead he nodded, following his Master towards the meeting point. "Well, it started with walking down this eerie hall. It was all dark and oorly lit, and I was just looking for where it was taking me." Silas mused.

"Finally I got to the end, and there you were, or well there was Master Borgus. Who looked like you but was much more angry, and mean. He told me I failed, that I couldn't be a jedi, and that I spent too much time tinkering on things and looking at girls to ever do anything as important as being a jedi."

[Orgus Din]

"Master Borgus?" He chuckled. "I hope you're not gonna start calling me that."

He glanced over at Silas as they walked. "You know that's not true, right? Jedi can tinker with things. Believe it or not, they can even look at girls. It just matters what else they do."

[Silas Myles Pearson]

"Nah, Borgus stands for Bad Ordus, just like Norvin is Not Corvin." Farissa would of probably turned into Failissa if he had ever managed to talk with her, not that he needed to make names for all of them.

A bit of pink touched his cheeks. "I know, I mean I'm not dumb enough to think you didn't notice how Ares and I were looking at Meli yesterday" How they were looking at Farissa didn't need to be brought up. "And if my tinkering was a problem you would of likely talked to me about it by now. Those facts were kinda what made it easier to see that something was off?"

"I guess it was probably things that worry me? That I do those thhings too much and don't pay enough attentin to other things?"

[Orgus Din]

"Yes." Orgus nodded. If he noticed the faint blush, he didn't comment on it. "Sometimes it's easy to forget that Jedi are people, too."

He nodded. "It's common to face a fear when you're in there. I guess the question is, what do you do about it? Some fears are valid, others aren't. Either way, the cause should be addressed."

[Silas Myles Pearson]

"Well, I guess I could look at ways to rein myself in... Or talk about it?" He glanced towards Master Ogrus. Did he really want to talk about girls with Master Ogrus? Well, no time like the present.

"Have you ever kissed a girl, Master Ogrus?" He asked a little hesitantly. "I know we aren't supposed to have attachments or anything, but I was kinda curious, deoes that mean we can't, well... You know."

[Orgus Din]

Orgus shrugged. "There's been as much trouble at time from reining things in when they didn't need to be as letting 'em run free."

At the question, Orgus gave Silas an exceptionally dry look. Even for Orgus, which was really saying something. "Let's come back to that later." He said dryly. "First, why don't you tell me what you think attachments are, and why they're bad?"

[Silas Myles Pearson]

Silas nodded at that. "Completely denying something doesn't exactly make it disappear, huh?" Which made sense now that he thought about it

"Well, attachment can be lots of things. You can be attached to your favorite socks, or your pet, but also things like your friends, families, and lovers. Master Chriala said all of us that pass through the trial together also share a bond, so I suppose that's an attachment as well."

That wasn't really what they really were though. "I guess you can say they are things that can pull on you, and your emotions. Kinda like stitches between two pieces of cloth. They're connected and it you pull on one piece of the cloth, it affects the other."

"Which is why they can be bad, especially for us Jedi. If our emotions run rampant, are pulled upon by someone else, especially our anger or hate, we can do a lot of bad things. Like the Sith."

[Orgus Din]

"Exactly." Orgus said, smiling and nodding. "Guess you must really have been paying attention to our lectures after all."

He went on. "So attachment's a funny thing. It keeps us part of this world, and reminds us to have compassion. But just as we can pull on it when we need to, it can pull on us. The key is to make sure that any attachments you have won't drag you into trouble." He chuckled. "A lot easier said than done."

He shook his head, still smiling. "Some Jedi are allowed to marry, have children. Some have lovers, and not illicit ones. But it's rarer than you'd think. Because if you've gotten to the point where it's not a problem, it's also less of a need. So even those who are allowed a few attachments tend not to have them."

[Silas Myles Pearson]

"I tried to at least." Silas replied, a thoughtful expression on his features. What the Master said made a lot of sense, it still left a few questions though.

"So, how do biological urges factor into all that? They aren't really attachments per say, but more natural bodily reactions. You see them in species all over the galaxy." He paused thoughtfully. "I mean I suppose they are often the cause of attachment and even some emotions, but how do we approach them?"